keeping yourself out of harms way

Keeping yourself out of harms way

The online dating phenomena hit the world with AOL chat rooms. This opened the door for people to have a much larger fishing pond than what they had before. If you lived in a small town, the chances of meeting someone new was going to be pretty slim. With AOL and then dating sites, we could meet our perfect mate, even if they lived thousands of miles away.
This was going to become the new way of dating by the mid 2000 era. Everybody has a computer and Internet. In fact, you almost had to have Internet to even function in today’s society. This was going to mean the traditional ways of dating went by the wayside. This became the new norm. To fly to another state to meet a prospective mate who is a stranger to us. This also brought out a new breed of predators who rape, brutalize and even murder their victims. We all remember the Craig’s list killer, who raped and killed his victims. This is not meant to scare you away from a viable dating option, but to remind people that it can be a dangerous liaison. When you meet someone on a dating site, you will first see a picture. This picture may or may not be what they actually look like. You read their profile and if something clicks, you will email them. If the connection is there, it goes to the phone. If there is any chemistry at this point, the probability is high that you will set up a meet.
The meet, is the part that we need to be very careful about. You may feel like you have got to know this person, by hours talking on the phone and the Internet. There is something about online dating that makes us open up to a stranger. The late night talks become more intimate, and it is debatable if you can actually start to fall in love with someone, without ever meeting them in person. It is important that we keep ourselves out of harms way when meeting a stranger.
You do not want to put yourself in a vulnerable situation where you may either be out right raped or the more notorious date raped. Date rape is when you do not want to have sex but you are pushed into it, forced into it or even guilt tripped into it. There are guidelines to follow to be safe when meeting a stranger. If you don’t put yourself in a position to be vulnerable, then you control how, when and if intimacy will happen. These are some of the hard lessons some women & even men have had to learn. Hopefully, you will take heed of this advice and never have to experience this yourself.
If you are flying somewhere to meet a prospective mate, make sure you have an out. You need enough money to make sure that you can get home if anything goes wrong. Make sure you have your own hotel room in your name. You have a means of transportation, You have a cell phone. You have an emergency contact person, someone you trust who knows when and where you are going to be. That you check in with them on a routine schedule. You meet at a public place with people around you. You do not go to their house on a first meet up. You do not put yourself in a hotel alone with them. You do a back ground check on them, check employment, criminal ect.. Carry protection with you.. Well yes the sexual kind too but I meant like mace. Do not ever go in a vehicle alone with them on a first date.
This may seem like a lot of safety steps to take for a date and it is, but for very good reasons.
What happens if you fly across the country to meet a partner and they look nothing like their picture they had online? What if there is no chemistry between the two of you when you meet, like you thought there would be? What if you don’t want sex and they start to pressure you? They can’t do this if you are not alone. They get drunk and mean or belligerent on your date? You need a way out to your safe zone. What if they try to drive drunk at the end of the night?​
The facts are simple here:
They may say their name is John Smith and it is really Edward Johnson. In reality, you do not even know if they are who they say they are. Identity theft is very common for sexual predators. Even if you have done a back ground check and are sure of who they are. You still do not know how they will act in person. In reality, you do not know them at all… Even if you think you do. Treat this situation the same way you would any other stranger that you would meet. Stay safe.. Stay out of harm’s way. Time will tell if it is your perfect partner. A good potential Partner, should understand why you are being careful and even respect this.
Written by Tamra Lynn Smith
copyright 12/11/2010